Becoming an adult although is done over the years, sometimes it feels almost spontaneous. One day you wake up and realise you are making the hospital appointments, paying at the mall, paying the bills and you realise “Oh I have grown up”. There are a ton of things people do NOT tell you about adulthood. How to do your taxes, how to deal with scenarios you have never faced, how to think beyond yourself but not lose yourself etc etc. One thing I recently noticed was the guilt. The guilt of not being there, the guilt of asking for help, the guilt that you have to prioritise one thing over the other. Every time, I ask my parents to visit the hospital alone because I had work that I just couldn’t miss, I am always wrecked and almost useless at work that day. This happens once in 10 or 20 times but it hits me full on every time. Every time my dad pays at a shop, I curse myself for forgetting the wallet at home or for letting him pay. Every time my sister struggles with something, I am racked with guilt for not being there for her nearby to share her worries. And the funny thing is most of these are not even in my control and logically I know I cannot be there for everyone every single time, but nobody tells you about the guilt.
Vani